They should just leave.

Why don’t they just leave? This is a question that our team has heard from friends, family & the community. 

The answer to this question is: It is just not that easy. Intimate partner violence (IPV) is a complicated dynamic of power & control. Leaving this relationship isn’t as simple as packing a bag. It involves making tough decisions under an incredible amount of pressure & fear.

Often times the survivor wants to leave, but they feel incapable of leaving due to fear of harm, or harm to pets or children. They may also lack resources financially, physically or mentally.

A survivor may be financially dependent on their abuser. This dependency could stem from their abusive partner previously denying them opportunities to work, a place to sleep on their own or access to bank accounts.

Physical disabilities also play a role in having resources in place to leave. If someone depends on other people for physical support they could lack the resources to pack up and go on their own. They may feel that their well-being is directly tied to their relationships & feel trapped. 

Normalized abuse is also a factor in deciding to leave. Someone experiencing IPV may believe they deserve the abuse, feel shame, or that the abuse isn’t that bad due to minimization, denial, & blame by the abusive partner. Their partner may escalate this mentality by isolating a survivor from a network of support to turn to in moments of crisis.

Often times the survivor is in the most danger when they are attempting to leave a relationship. When the survivor does decide to leave or end the relationship, the abusive partner might do things to punish the survivor. This can look like sharing information or images that the survivor wouldn’t want shared, calling child protection services on the survivor, or making false accusations to law enforcement. 

No matter the reason, leaving any relationship can be difficult. Leaving an abusive situation can feel impossible. Survivors need to be supported in any decision they make and deserve to have access to support. 

If you or someone you know is experiencing intimate partner violence call our hotline at 701-293-7273. You can also send us a message by visiting the contact us page.

We are here to listen, help and support every client that calls or walks through our doors.